Things we Love to Hate About British Festivals

Ah, festival season. It’s time to dress up, don some glitter, find a fancy hat and decant some gin into a plastic bottle. Yes, there are things we love about British festival season, but there are things we hate. Certain people like to engage in activities and British festivals that we have grown to both love, and hate.

Here’s an example of annoying but legendary behaviour you’ll find at music festivals this summer.

1. ALAN!!!!!

This trend has been going on for longer than I care to remember. I’m not quite sure when it started, the flame for shouting ALAN randomly at festivals until someone replies by shouting STEVE! Is an annoying one.

2. Plastic Glitter

Girls with chunky large hexagonal pieces of glitter glued to their faces with spirit gum. Enough said. Ok, we get it, you want to get into the party spirit and sticking plastic to your face is one way of doing that. But, plastic glitter is not biodegradable, when you wipe it off with a wet wipe, that isn’t biodegradable either.

Plastic festival glitter — This glitter is made from plastic, destined to be wiped off a 24 year old woman’s face with a non-biodegradable wet wipe. Shame.

At festivals, we have a responsibility to care for the land that the festival takes place on and be conscious of the wider environmental impact of our fun. So, give the plastic glitter a rest and choose some nice biodegradable glitter instead.

3. Shouting NICE ONE BRUVVA!! at 3am

The legendary quote from the conversation between John Simm and Danny Dyer in the 1999 cult movie, Human Traffic, that is! Most of those who shout this at Boomtown are not as old as this film.

Seriously though, it’s funny for about 10 seconds.

4. Chairs in Front of the Main Stages

We’re not ones to judge those who bring camping chairs to the stage areas at festivals.

Accessibility is key, some people cannot stand for long periods of time through no fault of their own and calling them ‘chair wankers’ is ableist to say the least. But, in saying that, you can’t plonk your chair in a mosh pit and expect everyone to leave space around you.

If you want to use a chair, move further back from the stage, you will have a better view if the stage is on a hill. Or, look for the viewing platforms for disabled festival-goers and put your chair in front of those. If they’re not in use then you may be able to use them yourself!

5. Nos Balloons

Nos, Nitrous Oxide, Laughing Gas. Usually inhaled from a balloon from a shiny metal cylinder whose purpose is to make whipped cream, yet instead it’s filling the lungs of a 19 year old lad at British festivals this summer.

Nos is anti-social, noisy, short-lived and messy. It’s messy because 90% of nos-breathers like to leave the discarded canisters where ever they happen to land.

It’s not even a worthwhile high, seriously. Don’t bring NOS canisters or balloons to festivals. The canisters are extremely difficult to dispose of properly, they can be recycled, but only by specialist centres.